Nothing is more frustrating than lopsided focus , and by this I mean when one person is and the other isn’t. The phenomenon here is that no matter what the situation is, its frustrating for both parties involved, every-time. It doesn’t matter whether it’s cleaning the house, writing a paper or just driving down the road. If one person is focused on something and the other is not, it is not going to end well!
The focused person wants nothing more than to be one with the thing their focused on, and with that said, they really want the unfocused person to either get focused on the same thing, or go away and let them focus in peace.
The unfocused person usually want attention. They aren’t focused and are distracted or bored and looking for something or someone to entertain them. They see your focus and they want to take it away.
In both cases, neither person is to blame. Both are natural reactions to whatever mood the person may be in at the time. But I can almost guarantee that lopsided focus ends badly most days. In the worst case scenario, one of the two eventually gets angry and storms off because they aren’t being left alone or they aren’t getting the attention they’re seeking.
I remember in college, this was a HUGE issue for me on a regular basis.
I hate group work, I hated it in school and I’d hate it within a job – ugh. Absolutely not. I don’t want to split the work load and depend on other people to pull through. I don’t want to worry that the work won’t line up right and there might be missing pieces. I’d rather do it all myself.
I was told once that this little fact about me means I’m ‘more responsible’, but I feel like this just makes me ‘more troubled’.
More troubled because I have no faith in anyone else, more troubled because I have the tenancy to make more work for myself, and more troubled because even though I wish I was able to, I’m usually not able to keep up with the amount of work I wish to complete without help.
Now, granted, I’m not a student anymore, so this really isn’t much of a problem in my life, and my current job isn’t really team-worky. We are one large team, but we all have our own jobs and do them individually. This makes me happy.
When you’re having a bad day, a long day, an irritating or frustrating day, do not try to tell me that I am the one in a bad mood. Just because you are perceiving what I’m saying in a negative way, doesn’t mean I’m saying anything negatively. Try to consider the filters my words go through in your ears and your brain before you comprehend their meaning. Because believe me, when I’m the one talking, there are no codes to break through. I say exactly what I mean. You taking friendly conversation and turning it into a battle is your own problem, but unfortunately it upsets me more than it does you.
Just because my relationship isn’t exactly like yours that doesn’t make it worse. Or better. Relationships belong to the people who are in them, and there are no two exact relationships. Part of the joys of being human is that we have such intricate personalities and when you find a person you mesh with, it’s magical. Whether it’s a significant other or a best friend, finding a perfect likeness is a phenomenon not to be taken for granted. So, the fact that you and your boyfriend do things different than me and mine, doesn’t make your relationship happier/stronger/healthier than mine by any means. Everyone is different, and my relationship is amazing, thank you.
The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
and disappeared with everything that you held dear,
but you shed not a single tear
for the things that you didn’t need
because you knew you were finally free.