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[This is another post from 2010 that never got posted. Or it did and I just can’t find it now. Either way, I wrote it so I’ll post it. But I have to be honest, I never got back into Jack’s Mannequin, but last year I did see them in concert for old time’s sake and I had a terrible time. That’s all].

Another funny thing about brain damage and memory loss:

I LOVED the band ‘Jack’s Mannequin’. I loved it more than [at the time] I’d ever loved anything at all. I loved it more than I currently love Death Cab for Cutie (and for those of you who know how much that is… yea, it’s a lot). I listened to them day in and day out and every single song I had of theirs was my favorite. I could barely pick between them or say which was better than another. They were all perfect in my ears. There were times I felt they were writing their lyrics just for me. They understood me and I understood them and we were happy together. I always had their music playing in the background of my day.

Now, you know how if you listen to one song all summer long and then years later when you hear it again your mind drifts back to that summer, and you feel the way you felt when you originally experienced the memory?

That’s why I had to stop listening to Jack’s Mannequin. I can vividly remember my love for their music, but after the car accident, memory loss and brain therapy when Jack’s Mannequin would be playing I would end up feeling really lost and confused. My mind tried so hard to take me back to memories that related to the song, but they were missing or jumbled and I’d end up feeling lost and scared. I had to remove them from my ipod and then they were gone, like they’d never existed.

It’s just been recently [2010] that I can hear a Jack’s Mannequin song start playing and I enjoy it. My brain has stopped seeking the memories that go along with it, so I hear the song and it feels like I’ve just recently learned it, even though I already know all the words.

It’s refreshing, and it always makes me feel good to hear it again. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to it regularly like I used to, or even hear it everyday, but when it comes across my day randomly, it makes me smile. It slightly reminds me of the better times of being 19, without digging too deep for feelings that are no longer there.

[2013 update]: As I mentioned in the first paragraph, I decided to go see Jack’s Mannequin in concert, in 2011, about a year after being able to listen to their music again without freaking out. I hated it. I don’t know if it was just a bad show, but I was completely uninterested after I’d been genuinely excited to go. My best friend went with me and we decided to leave before it was over.

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