I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking lately. My brain is way, way out there. I have no idea if it’s the weather or the current state of my life, or what. I’m a little crazy I think.
I am at work, processing a loan, listening to the same song on repeat that I can’t get enough of and having a conversation with my good friend Andrea (who I’ve been mentioning extremely often lately) and I realized that she loves me.
Weird thing to realize, out of no where.
She’s told me many times, we’ve been friends for almost six years now. I should’ve known. But it just hit me now. Mid-conversation epiphany I guess. I was thinking about all the things we talk about, and how many ranges of topics our conversation cover. How many years we’ve sat there and just talked about our lives, and how many things we truly know about one another.
I thought back to a moment in Winter of 2010, she was going through a change in her life and she drove close to an hour to sit at a truck stop restaurant and have a conversation with me. To have a piece of normalcy in her life. To see a friends face. It was that memory that caused my epiphany.
It’s amazing how difficult it is to see that some people really, genuinely love you.
It’s easier when it’s your significant other or your direct family members, but when it’s a friend, even a best friend, it’s never been easy to really know for sure. For me, I think it’s a self worth issue. Not that I don’t feel worthy of true friendship, but when I love, I love BIG. With my friends I am ridiculously loyal and good to that person, as if they’re an extension of myself. It never crosses my mind that my friends may love me the same way, until, suddenly I know they do, even if they had all along.
But there are times in your life when your friends are all you have.
So Andrea and I continue having the conversation we were having, while I am having this random epiphany and I tell her that we’re going to get through this life, and if nothing else we always have each other. We’ve been through a lot in six years. If all the other people fall away, if all our family members pass on, when our careers change, when we move further and further and further away, we’ll always have these conversations that we have everyday. She agrees.
I tell her that in 30 years we can cycle back, in our mid-fifties. Married or not, kids or not, we’ll sit side by side in a shared beach house and we’ll look back over our lives. It’ll be year 2043, and even though we’ll be so much older…. we’ll still be young. We won’t even be the age my parents are today. We have such long lives to live.
Don’t hold back. Live your life. Love with all your might. Be excited. Embrace change. Say “I love you”. Don’t let go to those who matter, you’d be surprised if you knew how tight they’re holding on, too.