There are a series of things I consider writing about every single day. Most of which I don’t write. As I have mentioned in the past I used to write long pseudo-novels, creative stories, lots of fiction and fun. I loved it. For most of my life it was rare to seems not writing. I was constantly jotting down ideas or characters. I come up with these few random ideas, but they’re never enough. Sometimes I get a paragraph or a few lines, but it never turns into anymore more.
I still have all my old stories. But what I don’t have is that creative side to me anymore. I miss it terribly. I’ve searched for it but it hasn’t ever turned up. I totaled my car, smashed my head into the window and my imagination bled out with all the rest of the things I lost that night.
I read other blogs and am plagued with jealously of the writing abilities. I’ve quit writing a couple times in the last six years but every time I am drawn back. I feel the need to write even though I don’t write the same way I used too, I’m usually disappointed by what comes out but I suppose it’s better than nothing. I never expect anyone to read it, but I am happy every time someone mentions that they like what I had to say about… Whatever, anything.
I came across my old journal this weekend. I had one or two a year in middle and high school, but then it took me two years of college life to fill the one after the brain injury and then I got another one in 2008, it’s only half filled and hasn’t been opened since 2009. Maybe I just have less to write about now that I’m older and more settled, or maybe I have genuinely lost the desire.
I miss it though. I miss being able to lose myself in paragraphs. And lately, it’s gotten even worse. I can’t seem to write anything at all. It’s not that I don’t have the time or the energy, I honestly just don’t have the words. I hate writing “this is what my day was like” posts because… well seriously, who cares? But topics just haven’t been coming to me. So for now, this is an apology. I know there are a handful of people out there who actually come to my blog for reading material. Thanks for checking, I promise there will be something worthwhile here soon.