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How does one “start over”?

I think I am actually doing it. Legitimately. One can’t really start fresh when they’re waking in the same apartment each day, going to same the job each day, and seeing the same friends each night. Can they?  I suppose that’s the reason I’m finally doing something right. I’ve decided I need to start over and I’ll be doing it in a new city, in a new state, in a new apartment, at a new job, with no one there to support me (in person at least).

So fresh and so clean – clean.

I’m not expecting it to be easy. At all.

I’m expecting to be overly excited for a few weeks, and then slowly fall into a miserable pit of depression consisting mainly of “why?”.

Why did I leave my job I knew so well? Why did I leave my closest friends 1200 miles away? Why did I move so far from my parents? Why haven’t I made any friends? Why is my life so hard here?

[Hey, maybe I’ll get lucky and everything will fall into place without any work at all….maybe].

But the depression will pass. I’ll buy a bike and take the trails and clear my head and remember all the brand new opportunities I have. I’ll save up money and send for my parents to visit. Eventually someone will visit me. Eventually. I’ll get used to my new job and the new routine and I’ll make a friend or two and life will take off again as normal.

But, anything worth having is worth working for. I’ve never felt complete in Michigan. I’ve been close, but I’ve never stopped looking for the opportunity to do something more, move somewhere big, experience something new. So now I’ll work for it. I’ll start over. Hopefully I’ll find what I’m looking for.

Every time I get a message or comment on this blog since I announced the move, I’ve felt more empowered. It reminds me that I’m not alone on my search for something more. And every time someone says I’m relate-able, I swoon with happiness that someone else understands what I’m saying.  So thank you blog-friends, you’re giving me more support than you’ll ever know.

 

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