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I’m kind of obsessed with my cat.215039_503491149373_183201757_30171636_8493_n

What’s funny, is that I hate cats. But my cat, she’s mine. She’s amazing. I got her almost seven years ago, shortly after the car accident. A neurologist told me once that I would have an attachment to her that is stronger than any other attachments that I had at the time. During the brain therapy she was the only thing I had that was consistent after the accident and through the times where I was experiencing the memory loss. I knew what he meant, at the time, but it wasn’t until years later that I really understood. But, I don’t think that makes my love or attachment to her any stronger than anyone elses love for their pet. They really are a family member.

I gave her up for a little while. My ex being allergic to her and just generally not liking her, I sent her to live with my parents. I missed her, I tried to get her back a couple of times, it never worked out. I moved to Denver and she was one of my first priorities. We fell right back into place as if we were never apart. Leaving her with my parents for that time…. I regret that. I loved her and I gave her up. I should’ve held my ground. I didn’t. I’m sorry for that.217606_503491179313_183201757_30181494_4268_n

I’ve been here in Denver now for a month and a day. Four days ago I found out she has liver disease, and she might not be with us much longer. $580 later I was told there wasn’t anything more I could do. She was either going to have the strength to get through it on her own and live with it, same as any person living with a disease. You either live or you die. It could happen anytime, tomorrow or in three years. It just depends on her strength.

I’m the only one who can see her strength though, and I can tell you it doesn’t look good. That’s why I took her into the vet in the first place. She is obviously not healthy, and in the last four days she’s gotten progressively worse. I don’t think she’s at the point where she could go at any minute, but I know she won’t make it for a very long time. I’m not at the point where I’m worried what I’ll find when I come home from work, but I am at the point where I’m going over in my head what to do when that day does come.312_506805028333_183201757_30350110_7631_n

I’m heartbroken.