I’m not sure if that statement really applies. But, what I’ve learned in the past few weeks is that even though I’m new Sara, I’m Denver Sara, and I am happier and livelier and experiencing life in brand new ways…. I’m still (obviously) very much the exact same Sara I was in Michigan.
I say the statement doesn’t apply because the parts of me that are “me” have nothing to do with Michigan specifically. So it’s not that Michigan is still inside of me, but the person I became while living there definitely is.
Turns out my life prior to Denver left me with some baggage. I’ve never really considered myself as a person with baggage before… but my baggage reared it’s ugly head this weekend and reminded me of all the reasons I went looking for a change in the first place. I found myself in a place that felt too much like home, and unfortunately this time “home” refers to place I never want to be again. I opened my eyes to the situation around me (in this exact moment… not in general life here) and felt as if I’d never left. I felt like I was trapped in my most hated moments from Lansing, and I was suddenly terrified.
There is an upside to this. After realizing how incredibly uncomfortable and emotional I was towards the situation I found myself in, I remembered that I in fact was NOT in Lansing. I was NOT trapped and I had the support of a person who cares enough about me to take a minute, listen to what I had to say, and then let me go. I left and immediately was happy. I was happy because I am a stronger person now, and I have someone who is genuinely there for me even when there is no way he could possibly understand what or why I was going through what I was going through at that moment. I was happy because I had an amazing friend in Michigan who stopped what she was doing, in the middle of the night, to calm me down before I drove home. I was happy because the new Sara handled the situation, while the old Sara would let herself be stomped on for the happiness of someone else, who wouldn’t have noticed or cared at the end of the day.
It was a big reminder that I’m in a much, much better place now. My dreams are coming true. My baggage… it’s manageable. Especially considering the people I have in my life here, they don’t ask too many questions and they respect my feelings, no matter what they might be. I finally feel like I have a voice, I have overcome the problems that were once in my life and now I have confidence and self-worth that takes me forward each day.